The Deployment Diaries...Part 2
I was remiss not to mention in my last post that it was so very touching that my sweet friend, Melissa, contacted a bunch of our mutual friends to surround me with love-texts in the first hours and days after Stephen left. I was absolutely overwhelmed by everyone's support—literally around the clock—encouraging me, praying for me, propping me up. As you'll read in this post, the loving care of friends and family during a deployment makes such a difference! Thank you!
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Well, it’s now been about 2 ½ weeks since Stephen left, and the deployment “honeymoon” is over, I would say. Things are basically fine, but the weekend was pretty rough for all of us. I know it didn’t help that my hormones were playing games with me and the sun had not shone in several days and Caroline wasn’t feeling well again starting Saturday night. But I found myself with our second long weekend in a row (MLK followed by Inauguration) feeling like we’re just killing time and asking myself, “Why are we here?”
So far, the school weeks have definitely been good for us. The routine. The familiar faces. The routine. The busyness. The routine. But the fact is that we do not like living here—of all the places we've lived, this is our least favorite—and with Stephen away, it’s harder to justify our being in a place that isn’t home. I went to sleep Saturday night and woke up Sunday morning, wishing I were at my parents’ house, longing to be in their living room, to sit at the bar in their kitchen to drink my cup of coffee, and finding it really difficult to convince myself that “because the girls are enrolled in third grade here” is a super-compelling reason for us to be here right now. Will I look back on this time in ten years and think it made sense for us to stay in Virginia? Or will I think that this was an opportunity for us to spend more time with family and friends, and we missed it in the name of staying enrolled in third grade? I really don’t know.
I spent a fair amount of time on Sunday crying about it. Crying about my feelings of having been exiled here, in this place that doesn’t feel like home, that’s too far from home to easily visit, when the best we can do is have family visit us here to make our exile more bearable. Why are we here?
On Monday, I talked to Annette, and she was a little excited about the idea of us having an adventure. Later, I had a chance to run the idea by Stephen, who seemed a little less enthusiastic… I think it made him sad to think that he’s left us in this quandary. But I know he’d support whatever decision I made.
By Monday night, once we were healthy again and had gotten back into our routine (and my hormones had settled down), I felt less like running away. As the week has gone on, I’ve made plans as I always do… Volunteer commitment here, lunch plans there… I started looking around, and though I pretty-much hate this townhouse, it’s still our home. I don’t think I really want to pack us up and move us away from all of our stuff for six months, and I don’t think the girls would like that, either. I’d miss getting out our spring decorations and seeing our tulips pop up in March, and I imagine that a few weeks into living with my parents, I’d miss having our own space.
This morning, we had Orff Club, which we would certainly miss, and I know we’d be letting their music teacher down and she’d miss us if we bailed. Abigail particularly loves her teacher, and I wouldn’t want to uproot her in addition to the turmoil of missing Daddy. On one hand, it would be easier, knowing that the girls would see these people again next year…on the other hand, I’m pretty sure the school staff would judge us for leaving mid-year, and I don’t know that I want to face that in the new school year.
I’m still tempted, though, to skip school for a week or so and go home for a visit. Again, I’m concerned about the judgment of the school staff… but am I that concerned? Should I be? If they’d excuse those days*, it’s not like the girls would miss a beat academically. And Spring Break is still nearly three months away… And then school isn’t out until June 23… It’s a long way off. I don’t savor the idea of the 10-hour drive… And yet I ask myself again, why are we here?
Stephen should call soon. The time difference is more of a pain than I was hoping it would be. By the time the girls get home from school, he’s usually asleep, and when they’re getting ready for school, he’s at work. I’m thankful that I can talk to him pretty easily most days, but it’s weird that it’s morning here when he’s having dinner and getting settled-in for the night.
And the cooking dinner thing has gotten to be trying, as I expected it to be. I think it wasn’t so bad the first week because I made all of the things that we all like…and now I’m running out of things to cook. Usually, I probably make something we all enjoy about four nights a week, and the other nights, if I want to cook something that’s spicier or more complex, the girls can survive on leftovers or lunch meat or frozen pizza. With just the three of us here, though, I’m not going to cook a big casserole or Mexican food for just myself. We ate out last Friday night for the first time. That may have to become a more regular thing.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
We did decide to skip school for a week to go home to Georgia in February, and as the girls' music teacher said, “I think that’s a good life choice for you right now.” Though we did get sick again (Caroline for a couple of days while we were there and me upon our return), it was definitely a good move for us to escape Virginia for a few days. The girls really didn’t miss much at school, and the school staff didn’t seem to care too much… the ones who did seem a little testy about it got over it soon enough. We needed a little vacation, some more temperate weather, to be with family, to have some support. And I desperately needed to exercise a little control over our situation. Caroline is still excited about having had her ears pierced while we were there. She was so tough! All she said was “ow…?”
The week we returned was Valentine’s week, which was fun for the girls as always, and I was really touched by so many people’s love for us. Stephen got a card to us from Kuwait, Annette brought over candy and a balloon for the girls and some flowers for me (some of which we are still enjoying), we had cards from Jim & Mary Ann, and a little gift and cards for the girls from Auntie Lynn, and what really blew me away was a care package for us from a fellow AF spouse whom I always enjoyed seeing when we lived in Missouri, but with whom I was never super close. It was so thoughtful of her to send us a little pick-me-up.
In the following weeks, the weather warmed, our health improved, and Allison came to visit—with the very exciting news that she’s expecting her first baby! We were so surprised and thrilled—the girls danced around upstairs singing, “We’re having a baby cousin! We’re having a baby cousin!” If all goes well, they will have exactly the same age difference between them and their cousin that Allison and I have—nine years, ten months. She’s due September 19.
We enjoyed a few weeks of feeling well, seeing friends, and getting outside to play at parks and ride bikes. The weather got cold on us again last week, which is not my favorite, but it’s easier to take in small doses with all the flowers and trees starting to bloom and warmer weather predicted for next week. A snow day or two would be nice, but I will be thankful to have avoided the additional cabin fever, having to shovel the driveway (although I bet our neighbor would have done that), etc.
Unfortunately, we’re all down with another cold this weekend, which feels as if it hit us out of nowhere. I woke up yesterday morning, feeling like the hot, dry air from running the heat all night without the humidifiers going was the problem, but both Abigail and I started feeling really crummy as the day went on. Caroline has it now, too. But it’s nowhere near as demoralizing when it’s a bit more isolated—the back to back to back colds of January and February were tough to take. Presidents’ Day weekend is the only time we’ve made it to church since Christmas Eve. Maybe next weekend…
And my parents are coming next weekend, which will be good for continuing to break up our time, and then we’ll head to Georgia again for Spring Break in mid-April. Stephen has been away for almost two months, which seems to be going quickly until I realize that we’re not even halfway through this yet. Talking has become easier now that his schedule has become more predictable We’re almost always able to Facetime before school, when he’s already home from work (except on Fridays, when he works a later day shift), and then I can talk to him longer while the girls are at school. And some days, he’s still awake and able to talk to the girls when they get home from school, too.
To be continued...
-Susanna
*I have since learned that many, if not most, school districts have policies in place that allow extra excused absences to children whose parents are deployed. Visit http://www.militarychild.org/public/upload/files/SchoolAttendancePoliciesFINAL.pdf for more info.
