Together or Separate? part 1

When the girls started kindergarten, we had a big decision to make: Do we keep them together, or do we request that they be separated?

Like so many parenting decisions, this is a complicated issue, and a unique one for parents of multiples.

For some, it's an easy choice:

Their twins fight all the time and need a break from each other.
One twin is overly dependent on the other, and there's a concern that one will walk in the shadow of the other if they're in the same class.
One child has a learning disability and is already struggling with preschool academics, and the parents don't want him to be compared to the one who's already excelling at school.

For others, including us, it's more nuanced:

Our twins are best friends and had only been apart for the rare emergency room visit. Going to full-day kindergarten is a big change...Do we want to add separating them from one another to the changes this year?
What if one has a stellar kindergarten teacher, and the other doesn't learn to love school because her teacher is not so great?
What if one has homework (yes, in kindergarten) and the other doesn't?

We knew that we ultimately wanted our girls to have their own teachers, their own friends, their own stories to tell at the end of the day, and to be free from the perfectly natural tendency of a teacher to compare siblings...But for kindergarten?

What we decided was best for our family was to keep them together. And it worked out beautifully. They had a fabulous kindergarten teacher, who loved each of them as themselves. They sat at separate tables all year, so they weren't in each others faces all day... There was even a day that I checked one out early because she was sick, and at the end of the day, the other hadn't noticed that her sister had left. (Maybe not exactly what you want, but better than codependency, I guess.) They were able to sit together at lunch and play together at recess, but they certainly had plenty of room to grow as individuals. It was a wonderful year.

Then we moved.

At their first grade school, though state law gives parents the choice on whether or not to keep twins together in school, their principal strongly encouraged us to separate them. We had planned to let them stay together one more year to ease the transition to a new school, but after assurances that they would be placed with two outstanding teachers, that they would be next-door to one another and have recess, PE, and music together, we agreed to give it a shot. One of our daughters was a little nervous about this arrangement, while the other was happy to go solo, but when they met their new teachers, they were both thrilled and excited for the year ahead. They were instantly eager to share with the other about MY CLASSROOM, and it was another stellar year.

Then we moved again.

Having had such a good experience with two teachers, we were content to keep the girls apart again for second grade. We did request that they be placed with teachers who collaborate, as it had been a wonderful transition to being apart and being at a new school for first grade, and the administration at their new school was happy to oblige. We have had a great second grade year as well. But as the year has drawn to a close, we have started to reexamine keeping them apart...

To be continued!